But a friend of mine asked me this question the other day, she thinks in this world this time we often mistake true love to material needs, meaning we tend to love someone because they are good providers, because they can afford to buy us things and they can take us out to restuarant, night clubs e.t.c - There's this need to be comfortable with the guy or girl you are going out with and for the guys there's this need to get a good looking girl small attractive cute (you name it) and the main question we have to ask ourselves is 'was this the same case with our former fathers?
Definately not I believe they considered what's in the other person heart, mind more than the out wide appearance and the bank balance, chimanga e.t.c - thats why there marriages survived worst situations unlike nowadays where cheating is always an expected factor in a marriage - where the wedding vows are nothing and are broken all the time.
So is it worth - going out with someone, being married - or just being single?
Please note that this is just someone else's opinion so don't attack me - your polite views are what am interested in.
Jade, what you posted is true in it's entirety. Most people do not like to face the facts that marriages of today are so superficial. Most cats out there are not for real. Most are out to look for themselves. Once they get that ass, they disappear like a fart in the wind. Ofcourse with the girls, every one knows that Atidye Nawo ndiye ali all over the place. Just look around, they are all around us trying to bilk as much as they can on these poor young folks.
I am yet to meet a Malawian guy who offers to pay when we go out on a date. Yet most chose the most expensive plate on the menu. Their stupid minds are trained kuti, Alipire iyeyu zathu zichuluke. This social problem has led to alot of women from Malawi crying pyoo!!! kulephera kukwatira chifukwa choumira matambala. Pa States pano every one works hard for their $$ and when guys see this social problem with a woman, they definitely don't want to commit.The same happens kwa ma guy short of money. Kuzunzika kupeza a sungwana. Mbalume masiku ano ilibe ntchito ndipo si imagwira nseu. Mbongo is king. While you have a little bit of Mbongo and are able to tap ass here and there, make sure you don't go broke. If you do, you will be alone.
Nowadays it's best just to live together. It's the American way. Divorces are expensive and alimony payments suck. Child support can also be brutal. You see all these American guys killing their pregnant wives? They are so afraid of sharing. Very scary indeed.
Quote" ...............I am yet to meet a Malawian guy who offers to pay when we go out on a date. "
What? You must be kidding me. Are you serious? Then either there is something wrong with you or the men you date. In your case it could be in terms of beauty, maybe you lack that element, as for the Malawian men who dont offer to pay when you go out, hmmm could be that they are just broke asses or perhaps you are a show off and that's a way of making you pay for having a big mouth. Whatever the case, I just feel sorry for your sorry ass because I treat mine real good and I take the tab.
Now, back to the original argument about marriages and security. It is all natural that security will almost come first when a woman is deciding whom to marry or date. This is also found in animals, usually there is a fight amongst males and the winner takes the female. Of course love also counts to some extent but thats secondary . I would also say that fame also is one of the determing factors. Most female will do whatever it takes get hitched to the rich and famous. For instance, the cerebrities, we all know how women behave when they see one.
If you are not rich and famous then you better have a soft tongue otherwise you will never get some. This was also true even for our fore fathers.
I've seen your points but am just surprised that you are just attacking women - this applies both ways you know - both women and men want security, and they both want to be comfortable with the person they are going out with, both want to be comfortable in that relationship be it money wise, looks, commitment, private issues (you know), you name it.
Men talk, admire, fantasize about celebrity as well - I've heard lots of pub talks about celebrities e.g J-LO's back side e.t.c guess what am trying to say is both women and men tend to have these celebrities as there ido when fantasizing other things. i definately do i must admit.
But they are not real, whats reall is the relationship you have .
And if your man doesn't pay when you go out, next time plan ahead tell him that its either you share the bill or you stay at home. Nothing is for free therefore we should be able to meet somewhere sometimes - share the bill now and again but most of all BE ROMANTIC ABOUT IT.
Mine are questions..........What is true love? Is it fear of being alone? Is it lust?
ABOVE ALL, HOW CAN WE LOVE SOMEBODY WHEN ONE DOESN'T LOVE ONE-SELF?
Have you heard of the term 50/50? In this world of today every man is to his own. Me and ma woman always do dutch, pokhapokhatu it's really something else. We are work for $$S & ££S so why should only one party dosh out?
About makolo's marriages staying decades; sweetheart, that was because the partner, usually the wife was afraid of hitting it on her own in life and there were always kids to consider..... osaiwala self respect and the fact that banja likanika and fear of kusekedwa. These days we all know it's another story; WE LIVE WE OR WITHOUT EACH OTHER. KUNGOTI SHARING BILLS IS ESSENTIAL PANOPA BUT OTHERWISE, WITH OR WITHOUT IS THE SAME TO ME.
quote: Love is opening yourself to hurt, misery and thinking of happiness ever after. Being soft and believing your partner is as pure as snow. Am a cynic and i have been there & got scorched. Love is what you it to be. Originally posted by: CHEJU : ABOVE ALL, HOW CAN WE LOVE SOMEBODY WHEN ONE DOESN'T LOVE ONE-SELF? Have you heard of the term 50/50? In this world of today every man is to his own. Me and ma woman always do dutch, pokhapokhatu it's really something else. We are work for $$S & ££S so why should only one party dosh out? About makolo's marriages staying decades; sweetheart, that was because the partner, usually the wife was afraid of hitting it on her own in life and there were always kids to consider..... osaiwala self respect and the fact that banja likanika and fear of kusekedwa. These days we all know it's another story; WE LIVE WE OR WITHOUT EACH OTHER. KUNGOTI SHARING BILLS IS ESSENTIAL PANOPA BUT OTHERWISE, WITH OR WITHOUT IS THE SAME TO ME. ACTUALLY, FREE AND SINGLE IS WHAT I GO FOR."
Zee, I was writing this alittle bit late. I made a mistake. I meant to say, "I am yet to meet a Malawian girl who is willing to pay when we go out on a date." Sorry for the confusion.
But everyone woman knows most Malawian guys tend be a little soft with their cash especially when ass is dangled in front of their faces. No kidding about it.
quote: Originally posted by: Academic Bouncer "Zee, I was writing this alittle bit late. I made a mistake. I meant to say, "I am yet to meet a Malawian girl who is willing to pay when we go out on a date." Sorry for the confusion. But everyone woman knows most Malawian guys tend be a little soft with their cash especially when ass is dangled in front of their faces. No kidding about it. Akdmk B"
What i wrote didn't come out at all!!!!! I now can imagine finger-pointing @ each other, accusing the dudes and the ladies of not doing this and that. Folks, we need to dish out constructive ideas. Of-couse no man/woman wants to admit to not doing enough in a relationship but communication really is the key in everything. It don't matter who is footing the meal bill or who is cooking so long as it feels right. If you aint happy then get out NOW cos it wont feel right. One needs trust to cement a great relationship.
Marriage? Try living together first and see if you can share your space amicably.
It now makes sense. Malawian ladies? Forget it they will never pay the bill when you go out even though they have all the dough in the world and yet like you said they will go for the most expensive dishes or mixed drinks. Typical exploitation, thats what they do or probably don't realise that they are doing.
Come girls try to surprise your men by offering to pay instead at least once in a blue moon.
This is not finger pointing perse. I think this is advice that some of these Malawian girls need to take heed. It is sad to see all these Malawian women suffering kusowa ma banja because of their bad tendencies of kusadziwa kusamala amuna. In Indiana, most women have resorted to become gorilla bases. It's unfortunate and our women deserve better. With alittle bit of advice, each one of these women may start behaving accordingly and end up finding a man they don't have to share with some other woman.
A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner.
His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
The guy was impressed since he knew the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names."
His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."
1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly ( i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Baseball. b. Football. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")
Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, **** loads. b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c. That depends on what you mean by love. d. Does it matter? e. Who, me?
Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what? b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. c. A little extra weight looks good on you. d. I've seen fatter. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality. b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner. c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age. d. Define pretty.. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question# 5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question.
(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette!")
1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly ( i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Baseball. b. Football. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")
Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, **** loads. b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c. That depends on what you mean by love. d. Does it matter? e. Who, me?
Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what? b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. c. A little extra weight looks good on you. d. I've seen fatter. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality. b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner. c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age. d. Define pretty.. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question# 5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question.
(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette!")
Me thinks you all have had dealings with ladies who have major issues...sad! But certainly a sista with self-esteem, purpose and confidence will know exactly what SHE wants and wont go for nothing less than that. The same goes for a guy: if he knows exactly what he wants in a girl, he wont waste time with any riff-raff. Fact is, you have hoes and you have dogs. It's all a matter of makonda makonda.
As for love: all I have to say about it is, if you want the real thing, be ready to risk getting hurt in the major way. But if not, the pay off is gonna be EXCELLENT.
Just my 2 cents -- kudos
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