1. I hear warnings about Identity thieves everyday and everywhere. It can destroy ones life for good, especially here in US. (Am not sure with other part of the world)

There are several ways one can lose his/her ID to these villains, but the most common one is thru dumping papers containing person information, carelessly.

These crooks will go thru the dumpsters looking for anything, which can be beneficial to them.

Here are some tips to prevent pple from being victims:

Tip 1. Before you take the trash bags (containing personal info) to the dumpster, make sure you put your kids diapers on top of the bag. Nobody wanna diggin thru smelly diapers. If you dont have kids or if your kids are grown-up, use the alternative method, which is even more severe. Look for somebody in your family who spray the bathroom with air conditioner, before doing the 'job'. Usually its mummy or daddy (especially mummy). Let one of them 'take care' of the trash bag before taking it to the bumpster. Make sure the gu****o is right on top of the bag, so that akakhala wakuba wopupuluma ayigwire nsanga. The best day to 'fix' the trash bag is after nsima ya utaka. That way you will get rid of all would-be ID thieves once and for good. They will go and spread the news to all impending ID thieves not to mess with you dumpster.

Tip 2. If you think the first tip is nasty, the next one is 'clean' and straightforward. Mess up your credit history. Mess it up so that whoever uses it should get himself/herself in big trouble. If you have a bad credit, nobody will do anything with your identity. I got this idea from one girl who got tired of being offered loans, credit card etc because of her good credit. She decided to mess it up. You go girl!!! She is 'free' and 'broke'.

2. There is hope that one day pple will get permissible papers in US, if the american politicians see it fit. The good news out of this development is that pple will start dating 'true love of their life' in different shapes and sizes preferred. There is one dude who is married to this obese big-stomach american girl for the obvious reasons, but the guy is not happy. He once told me that he cannot have sex with his wife without strain or twist his body muscles, because he has to put himself in an ackward position for sex to occur. He can only have 'fair' sex with her surgically. That means surgically cutting his penis and have extension tubes connecting the balls and penis, so that they will be no touching while having sex. Limba mtima kwakukulu wadutsa.

3. There was this other day I wanted to increase my knowledge on any subject, so I decided to reading this science journal. There was an article on scientists in German, who are doing research on how to converting the energy lost during sex intercourse to generate current electricity,so we are able to use it domestically. I pray that the project successed, because malawi will benefit alot. I can imagine every household in malawi with bright light shining like hell. Malawi will be like NYC: The Country that doesnot sleep. And the slogan 'The warm heart of Africa' will definately change to 'The Bright Star of the World'. It all goes with the way amalawi mumakondela 'ntongo'. The more the sex the more the electricity generated. Ukakhala wofowoka udzawonekela n'gamba. Kaya ku State House kuzatha bwanji? 300 rooms sipano. That will be the only time pple will refuse to work at State House, unless youre sex maniac like Uncle Chimbolo Munthali.

Although this sounds like good news, it should also serve as a warning to aneneli wonyenga. Be careful, because muzapezeka mwayatsa magesi mu kasisi nthawi yosayenela and mudzayaluka. You know what I mean.