DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Pope · Guru

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Date: Feb 22, 2006

Simple "control" rather than leadership can actually harm families don't you think?
Anyhow, some people are more suited to the role than others, regardless of their sex. It all boils down to individual character.

abre les ojos · Guru

Pope wrote:

Who has got the right to control a family, a man or a woman or both.Is it not too much from human rights bodies that women are becoming more resistance even in bed.I want your views on this and how we can change mens attitude towards women. For your info am married but ma wife is out of the country so dont start saying its ma xperiece I will cut your balls.

And you're married? With such an archaic attitude towards women that's sooo 18th century? I cringe at the title of you post which reads "domestic violence" and you use words like "control" "becoming more resistant". I hate to break it to you but I think feminism has already changed that (at least it has from my experience).

There's this quote by Churchill. Someone told him that in the year 2020 women would control everything to which he answered.... "still"?

micahj3k · Member

its not about control maybe try and rephrase your question.

should marriage be about control?

:)

Pope · Guru

Of late there has been gruesome scandals in most of districts in the country.You would hear someone has cut his wife hands just becoz she refused sex,a man has slapped a baby on the floor becoz the wife said she had rights to cook usipa osapsya,the man has burnt his wife becoz the relationship was not good,the man has inflicted injury to the genitals of his wife coz she refused sex and the list goes............whats all this coming from and why in this generation.

abre les ojos · Guru

Oh dear. Seems to me there is a crisis of masculinity happening over there. Men acting out because the think their positions are being threatened.

TT · Veteran Member

you just dont wake up one day and burn your wife's hands you start from somewhere.and if you as a man hit me your wife every now and then ,how free will i be to give you my body?is it because i want to or am afraid of you and if thats the case then why must give in to your demands?

maybe the women deny them sex ,cos it has lost its meaning long time ago.there is a lot of women out there who dont know if they are making love or they are being raped by their own husbands.

its about time men treated women as their equals and not some object.

abre les ojos · Guru

You have a point. But this argument has been done and dusted with the advent of feminism. Which sadly has not really reached certain places in Africa. One sees this problem everywhere. I personally saw, during my research, women who's husbands had been unfaithful and contacted HIV from them because they were afraid to refuse intercourse. The result is of course their children are orphaned.

Of course men should treat women with respect. That's no question. We shouldn't even be discussing something so obvious. The fact that its still an issue is evident that there is a problem in the society. Malawian society. I know for a fact that women in west Africa for instance are a lot more assertive and no man would dare treat a their women like that. Unfortunately that hasn't reached our "warn heart of Africa" yet..

TT · Veteran Member

unfortunetly this is not a malawian problem only .south africa is worse. just last month a husband hanged his three children and than killed himself coz his wife left him and last week we buried one of our collegues who commited suicide but this was after shooting his wife ,his 9 year old daughter and his 6 months old son.all becos he they had an argument.

but maybe we should also stop blaming the guys .as i said ,it doesnt start over night ,it starts with a strong grip on your wrist , a slap on the cheek or pulling your hair.but we dont say anything .hoping that he will change but it only gets worse.

its sad though cos it seems like a huge number of women beleive that getting hit by your husband is part of the package .i remember one of the advices i got on my wedding day was that "ukapilire" and that at somepoint he might get angry and raise his hand ,thats marriage my child " what a lot crap.!

but am glad cos the same night ,my uncle told him that if someday i come home looking like i was hit by a train,he will sort him out himself .now i say we need men like that to protect us.

abre les ojos · Guru

In the case of domestic abuse. There's is NO way whatsovever that the blame should ever be placed on the woman. It's easy, especially in African societies for a woman to just up and leave without any security. I am aware SAfrica is worse.

I beleive that there is a crisis of male identity in these parts. Why is it so? I can only speculate..

Pope · Guru

The problem is all over africa,its also common with moslems countries, its hard to believe some men can be soo uncivilised that they cant understand who a wife is let alone a woman.

Abre I had a malawian friend in England who could beat his wife until neighbours wake up to intervene.Someone who knows about mens behavior can enlighten us up.

abre les ojos · Guru

Pope wrote:

The problem is all over africa,its also common with moslems countries, its hard to believe some men can be soo uncivilised that they cant understand who a wife is let alone a woman.
Abre I had a malawian friend in England who could beat his wife until neighbours wake up to intervene.Someone who knows about mens behavior can enlighten us up.

I wish I knew why men do it. I don't think there's a definitive reason why. But I think it's a notch above child molesting. And just as bad as rape.

sibweni · Senior Member

they are tantrums of a disgrunted of old kid in family with a new born baby. when man territory is being interfered he will try to protect it. girls should learn to draw a line before they commit themselves into marriage, dont you think so?

abre les ojos · Guru

sibweni wrote:

they are tantrums of a disgrunted of old kid in family with a new born baby. when man territory is being interfered he will try to protect it. girls should learn to draw a line before they commit themselves into marriage, dont you think so?

Draw the line? Territory?You make it seem like this is a military combat campaign. It's a "relationship" we're talking about. I hate to break it to you son but women ARE actually humans too and are perfectly entitled to "tantrums".

I think if you operate on the rule that you can never treat your women anyway that you won't want your mother to be treated by anyone you're basically in the correct ball park.

Geez dude haven't you learnt anything from years of OPRAH?

Yes, we all know that women can be nagging, judgemental, hard to live with sometime. But isn't that the fun of it? Isn't that what makes it all worth while?

I think that wife beaters are lower than low and should be given the same sentences as child molesters. Even if the wives involved refuse to press charges...