Vendor Love

Black Panther · Senior Member

Vendor Love

sugarplum · Member

No vendor is tearing my pants off!!!!!!!!!!

sexmadsista · Veteran Member

am a gold-digga so a vendor wont satisify ma needs. even if i was in love, i would be willing to giv up ma 1 tru love for money any day.(tru)

Jane Doe · Member

In love with a Vendor - HELL NO!! I dont think any SANE person ( from an upper class family) would marry a vendor.

kesso · Senior Member

JANE DOE

I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY ON THIS. YOU DIDN'T DISSAPOINT.

QUESTION. WHAT IF THE VENDOR IS CUTE AND HAS DOSH LIKE SOME DO, NOT THE OSASAMBA ONES?

Jane Doe · Member

Fact is - his a Vendor, so the answer is NO!!! I would never look @ any of them in that way (not to be mean or anything) koma u know what i mean (or maybe i dont)

Outa curiosity, why were u expectin that response from me..?

Black Panther · Senior Member

So, what is the difference between a vendor and villager then in terms of class and access to socio-economic institutions ? What if this vendor was from the village? people in this forum say they would date a villager but not a vendor. vendors are people too just as pple said villagers are pple too... Its just about occupation, then ? Someone can start out as a vendor and work there way up the ladder.... What if that vendor looked like Tyrese then ?

-- Edited by Black Panther at 16:37, 2005-05-24

chado · Newbie

Amalawi,

I dont understand why to this day ,we jugde people because of there background.

One thing we should all know is that ,you cant just become rich overnight.you have to work hard to be where you wanna be.so whether ndiwe vendor kaya villager it doesnt matter as long as you pulled yourself out of that situation and your now doing better thats all that matters.

We should also realise that our folks were villagers at some point,they worked hard in school ,got good jobs and were are the offsprings.which makes us all villagers.

Ndatha wanu.

Black Panther · Senior Member

Chado, class is all arund us, whilst the Kumbaya approach seems nice. we cant pretend it doesnt exist. Im not trying to say that Villagers and Vendors are not human. but looking at Malwians I raise a plausible issue. b/cuz I think , in the bottom of my heart that this scenario dating and marring a vendor is a fairly tale. It wouldnt happen. If ur a Malawian gilr and u've graduated college or ue on ur way...already u will be looking for someone whos doing something similar or is in the same league as u. u would rule out the vendrors and villager quickly. Then u need to think about discussions, what would u realklly talk about, most people marry people with similar backgrounds, there needs to be similarity in order for a marriage or couple to work. So I find it really hard to belive the people that say it doesnt matter. Bcuz it does. Its not about being shallow , its about being Realistic. U marry a vendor or villager the cahnces for divorce would be high , unlkess u marry a faithful puppy. but who aongst us really wants that ? U can clean up someone real good, take the villager out of the village, or the vendor off the streets, but u really need to get along with someone on a mental level, and share similar expariences.

kesso · Senior Member

Just because class is all around us doesn't make it positive and progressive. The opposite is true. We should start see class as uncivilised, backward. As a socialist, class construct to me is the worst form of discrimination. I hate it!

A villager or vendor could be ignorant about certain things, but YOU won't survive for long in the village or on the street for that matter.

Divorce on the other hand is a lot more complex than just background differences. You know, statistically, it's more prevalent in people from the same backgrounds, because their is less to compromise about and consequently not a lot to work for or at.

I believe if one choses not to out with a villager of vendor, it should be for other reasons than "they are not good enough for me" cause you're wrong, they could be. I've known vendors who got rich and are married to college educated girls. So does that mean that because of the cash you now have things to talk about?

Lady B · Senior Member

Well i Agree with kesso, Women, i believe that you make a Man what you want him to be , you can turn a vendor into your Dream Guy , it all depends on how you look at it

but then again , we all have different choices , i for one prefer a guy that i can built a life with , dont matter who /what he is , as long as he treats and makes me his princess and i make him my prince and we happy

'kiss'

Black Panther · Senior Member

quote:
Originally posted by: kesso
"Just because class is all around us doesn't make it positive and progressive. The opposite is true. We should start see class as uncivilised, backward. As a socialist, class construct to me is the worst form of discrimination. I hate it! A villager or vendor could be ignorant about certain things, but YOU won't survive for long in the village or on the street for that matter. Divorce on the other hand is a lot more complex than just background differences. You know, statistically, it's more prevalent in people from the same backgrounds, because their is less to compromise about and consequently not a lot to work for or at. I believe if one choses not to out with a villager of vendor, it should be for other reasons than "they are not good enough for me" cause you're wrong, they could be. I've known vendors who got rich and are married to college educated girls. So does that mean that because of the cash you now have things to talk about?"

Nope, I dont have cash but I have a mind. Now, I love guys that I can talk to on an intellectual level. So If Im looking for a partner for example, I would look for someone that can stimulate me, intellectaully. The chances of me getting that from a villager or vendor - they type of stimulation for me, bcuz of my backgournd and becus of my expareinces this far are slim. I may find one villager out of a 1000 that will fufill this need. If I cut to the chase and start a little up the ladder (for lack of better expression) then I know my chnces of fidning someone would increase tremendously. Its not bcuz I have cash - I ride the bus. Its also not about poor and rich to me. Its about the chances of u guys staying togeher and about what a person would face.

I can imagine bringin hom a vendor and my buddies would not undersantd that , nor would my family. Its not bcuz they think Rich Poor.

and Kesso, I do understand the people have diff types of knowledge. But to get someone to "catch up" to u in ur 20's is a long battle. To get someone to 'catch up to the village life is also a battle" - not saying its better or worse or anything like that. but knowing the way people are - Please, somneone can anyone give me an example of a couple u know or person u know that has done this.

Date: May 24, 2005

Some people will call it cynicism, I call it the sad truth. Upper middle class kid & vendor having a meaningful relationship (if any at all)? Heeell no!

In the perfect world, only love would really matter in relationships but that just doesn't happen. This is something everyone is guilty of doing, whether we do it knowingly & directly or not is a completly different issue. In Malawi, the girl selling you onions on the street corner could have the exact IQ as the lawyer you take out for formal dinners, but that won't count for anything when you make your choice between them based on things like intellect, grooming, & even things like "sense of humour"and "things in common".

I love inteligient women who have things in common with me, those who understand me as well as i understand them. I really wish things were different, but I have never met a single vendor (or villager for that matter) in my life who can give me that.

kesso · Senior Member

But Blackpanther, no disrespect but, you'll be hard-pressed to find someone who wold be your intellectual equal. Why? Well you put forth the type of intellectualisms that are a little too advanced for a lot of guys. Unless of course your dude is a professor or someone...

Mulopwana · Veteran Member

I totally agree with Black Panther in all facts presented. It doesnt make sense for someone with intellectual level as members of this forum to marry a vendor. It just cant work. As a couple you need to be at par, if not may be just one step apart. But not a vendor. The thinking of a vendor with millions of kwacha and the one selling kaunjika is the same. Girls Never be cheated with millionaire vendors, one day you will be embarrased.

Black Panther · Senior Member

Kesso,

I am not insulted, I am flattered. I do think that there are guys out there though. The problem with some of the intellectual guys are that thats all that they are about and thats bo-ring. I need a guy that also likes to party !

kesso · Senior Member

PARTY IN WHAT SENSE. PARTY MEANS A WHOLE LOTTA THINGS... HINT! HINT!

game · Guru

guys

do you forget that due to unemployment in malawi alot of graduates are doing anything they can put their hands on to make ends meet.what if the vendor has a higher iq than you.will you give him a chance or not.

unless if you can categorise them,because not all vendors are illiterate and dumb ass savages who whistle at women in min skirts.dont undervalue them its this kind of stereotype that as normal homosapiens we dont need in our society.

let those who just want someone so they can light up their image and the respect of their family underrate vendors,but those whose vision is not blurred by spectators and are real to the bone wont care about what people say,they will go with a vendor as long as love sprouts.

kesso · Senior Member

For the first time game, I am in TOTAL agreement with you...

Lady B · Senior Member

There are a lot of guys out there who think they know it alll.

There are a lot of women who think the same.

There are a lot of really really stupid people out there.

It doesn't make any difference whether you went to college or not. You could be a PhD and still a total idiot.

A smart man or woman will date a person with whom they share the same values and can carry on an enjoyable conversation.

The dumb one's don't.

All we can do is hope that darwinism wins out and that only the smart one's will breed and hopefully all the mouth breathers will die out.

'kiss'

kesso · Senior Member

THERE'S A THEORY THAT INTELLIGENCE IS CONSTANT, IT'S THE POPULATION THAT CHANGES.

QUESTION.

ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO SAY NO TO THE VENDOR THING. HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY HAD A VENDOR AS A FRIEND. EVER ACTUALLY TALKED TO A VENDOR OTHER THAN "HOW MUCH IS THAT"? EVER ASKED A VENDOR WHAT THEIR ASPIRATIONS ARE, WHERE THEY LIVE, OR ABOUT ANYTHING CONCRETE.

I DON'T THINK SO.

SO DON'T KNOCK IT TILL YOU TRY IT AND DON'T ASSUME, CAUSE WHEN YOU ASSUME YOU MAKE AND ASS OUT OF... YOU KNOW THE REST!

Black Panther · Senior Member

Ur right game. people do have diff. opp & life chances. What are the odds that a vendor in Malawi will pull themselves out of the 10MK a day earnings & marry someone that has been making $30US a year. Its not about a superirority thing. Couple fight about money, discussion topics, behavior etc... all these things influence a relationship. Its also not an ASSumption based on prejudice. - my stand points from wha I see in Malawian society, and what I have learned about relationships in my Sociology/psychology classes.

This is why u see Hollywood Stars marrying eachother . Its not b/c they think they are better then the rest of us.. many of them say its b/c they need to be with people that understand them or know what its like to be where they are in order for them to get the supprt they need from a partner. With that ebin said. If I had a work related issue that I needed to address with my bf that was a vendor, he wouldnt be able to appreciate the work dynamics that I face in this country b/c he does not have that expereince. Trying to explain it to him would take a lot of effort and time, and would stray away from the issue at hand, so I would proabbly end up not communivcating my concern to him , hence there will be no communication in the relationship.

In theory yeah anything is possible but like I asked earlier. Does Anyone know of a couple like this please, speak now or forever hold ur peace. Kesso & Game, I do not think either of u would date the Onion girl...

Lady B - its not about college or non- college per se, yes street smarts vs college smarts...but their is a huge gap in education in the Malawian system - in countries likke US , their is less of a gap. I mentioned that its also about expereinces that pple go thru an expereinces is a part of education. If u have a similar expereince u have a similar edu.

kesso · Senior Member

I would marry an onion seller. But it would be a pygmalion type situation where I would want to make her into a swan.

Lady B · Senior Member

That's What am talking about !!

Way to Kesso u have just made my day

'kiss'

Black Panther · Senior Member

WEll Kesso, i gues ur showing a type of dedication to ur love that is rare. It is very hard to teach an old dog new tricks. To marry/date a 20-something vendor in Malawi that is already set in her ways it will take u about 20 yrs to turn her in to a swan.

that raises the question - why would u want to change her ? so she can be more like u. If ur saying there is nothing wonr gwith the situation and are palying on equality and saying class does not exist why are u implying that SHE needs to change. Maybe U need to change. What if shes happy selling onions in a small scale, yes u can buy her a farm, will she have the business savvy to run it they way that is functional in Malawian society to be sucessful... think about it . u will have to teah c eveything from using an ATM, to the beneifts of savings in a bank. U would ahve to explain every joke to her (b/c humour is different), ... Have u seen My fair Lady ? it would be kinda like that, except in Malawi the class difference is a huge gap.....

game · Guru

panther

yes i would marry an onion girl and help her get accustomed to a better life but not change what she is,it has to be her choice to want change.

i will give you an example my friends pops is a malawi ambassodor somewhere in africa and his mom insist on building a nkhokwe at the back of their mansion,she never works still kupeta mphale and insist on wearing sophia so she cant get dzikan'ga,but one thing is for sure,they have a happy home as non of them complains.

she is 100% illiterate she ised to sale mpilu back in the days.

kesso · Senior Member

I'm a little suspicious of you blackpanther. But I best keep my suspicions to myself.

But anyway, I was thinking about My fair Lady hence my Pygmalion reference. There's no harm in that but I think it is also a big vain of me to believe that I can mould her to suit my idea of a sohisticated person...

Black Panther · Senior Member

Game,

Why is ur life the better life. by saying this, ur implying already that her life and all it encompasses is inferior....so even though u try to escape it and be a better person - classism exists and we are all subject and victim to it.

I like ur example. I guess the questions I would ask are: Was the ambassodor illterate himself when they met ? if they have gone thru common experineces, yes its possible. If pple move up the soc. ladder together and share expereinces its all good. but if some, lets say today is ambassodor. and has been one fore a while, maybe 5 yrs. what are the chances of him flying home and marrying an onion girl. Also need to add , guys are more likely to do it then females...

Kesso,

what r ur suspicions, that u know me? LOL

-- Edited by Black Panther at 23:08, 2005-05-25