Some light relief - hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I did.  I'm sure we've all received a love letter similar to this one at some point in our lives.............or am I on my own on this one???

From the boyfriend:

High gates of Jerusalem Nobody can Cross But me and you By means of Love.

Hi Babie!

Time and ability has forced my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted sheet of paper. Why this miraculous thing happened is because babie I love you spontaneously since you are a fantastic and fabulous girl.

Babie please stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because I love you more than a snake loves rat. To me each day starts by thinking of you and ends by dreaming of you. Each time I see you my metabolism suddenly stops and my peristalsis goes in reverse gear.

Crazy, crazy, crazy you may say but this is true. If only you knew what is going on in my  encephalon you would understand that I'm anticipating what will occur the next time we meet. That's why I need to see you face to face soon.

I think I have to pen-off here because I still haven't finished studying electrolysis and olymerisation. Catch you later. Sleep tight and don't let those bed bugs ever bite you coz you are too sweet a thing for them.

Yourz Ever,

Sugar tapi tapi!

PS: Why did you lie to me that you also use the toilet????

Reply from girlfriend

Tea without sugar Nobody can drink but me and you by means of Love P.O Box Rudo Chete  Rudiwa Sweetieville

My Love, My Sugar, I was exasperated with pride to have received one from you, the lungs in my body flapped with joy when I was reading your letter.

Anyway by now you have reached the realisation as to why I am jotting this small letter to you, yes it is to see if you are keeping with the sands of time. How is everything on that other side of yours?

Well here everything is just half lemon half sugar to make it Schweppes. How is your schooling? How are you pulling the wagons of life? I am just pulling the schooling thing like a donkey pulling a cart.

My honie, I am missing you very much right now, my heart is perambulating with every word that I write, if it was not for these oceans that decided to flow between us then I would get on the next bus to come and see you, but until then I know that I will not hesitate to put this blue blood on this paper and write to you.

I remember that day lovie, that one sweet day as Maria Curry sanged it, you know that it is my favourite song honie. The one day that we were boarding the combies and you escorted me to my home, walking with you just brought sweet dreams to me for the rest of my life honie.

If words of love could ride a bicycle I would be competing against Diego Maradona. Anyways, I will not stop you from reading the books that give you life and education so I will stop here for today. Please always write to me because I am missing you like sugar misses tea.

My dedications to you are :

Maria Curry - One Sweet Day.

Boys To Man - And of the Road

Keep well my mop of my heart,

Yours in flesh and in blood,

Ruise

P.S. Sorry about my English, I did not learn anymore