DEMOCRATIC MALAWI

guevara · Senior Member

DEMOCRATIC MALAWI

abre les ojos · Guru

Thank you Guevara for the above post.

I must say, reading it almost made me sick with anger, grief and disgust. People using tradition to justify stupid, primitive, practices.

Good question. what happened to feminism.I sincerely hope that this isn't common practice but that is hoping too much. We know all too well that this happens everywhere in the country. i am ashamed of my country...

MBAMBADI · Member

abre les ojos wrote:

Thank you Guevara for the above post. I must say, reading it almost made me sick with anger, grief and disgust. People using tradition to justify stupid, primitive, practices. Good question. what happened to feminism.I sincerely hope that this isn't common practice but that is hoping too much. We know all too well that this happens everywhere in the country. i am ashamed of my country...

WHAT ELSE CAN U SAY???? 'ALMOST MAKING YOU SICK WITH ANGER'??!!!! SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU FELT OTHERWISE FOR MALAWI??HMMM??? I BET UKUOMBERA KUPHAZI WITH GLEE AND GRINNING FROM EAR TO EAR.... WHO ARE YOU KIDDING???!!! KEEP ON HATING IT AND THATS NOTHING NEW FROM YOU.

FEMINISM??? THOSE ARE JUST MONEY GRABBING CUNTS WHO TRY AND DECEIVE WOMEN ABOUT POWER TO THEM BUT HOW CAN YOU FIGHT WITH NO TOOLS??? HOW THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO REFUSE YOUR HUSBAND WHEN HE IS YOUR LIFE SUPPORT??? GET REAL! SPECIALLY NOW WITH THE PATHETIC SITUATION HERE ANYTHING AINT SURPRISING NO MORE AND CRY AS YOU MAY, IT AINT GONNA CHANGE UNLESS THE COUNTRY YOU DISS CHANGES!

YTP · Guru

Hell 'n' damnation!!!!! Feminism!!!!????? Has it eva been there??:confused:

Karma Sutra · Member

Men have to much power in malawi, women are raised to look up to men, it will take long to change that mentality that plus poverty.

abre les ojos · Guru

MBAMBADI wrote:

WHAT ELSE CAN U SAY???? 'ALMOST MAKING YOU SICK WITH ANGER'??!!!! SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU FELT OTHERWISE FOR MALAWI??HMMM??? I BET UKUOMBERA KUPHAZI WITH GLEE AND GRINNING FROM EAR TO EAR.... WHO ARE YOU KIDDING???!!! KEEP ON HATING IT AND THATS NOTHING NEW FROM YOU.
FEMINISM??? THOSE ARE JUST MONEY GRABBING CUNTS WHO TRY AND DECEIVE WOMEN ABOUT POWER TO THEM BUT HOW CAN YOU FIGHT WITH NO TOOLS??? HOW THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO REFUSE YOUR HUSBAND WHEN HE IS YOUR LIFE SUPPORT??? GET REAL! SPECIALLY NOW WITH THE PATHETIC SITUATION HERE ANYTHING AINT SURPRISING NO MORE AND CRY AS YOU MAY, IT AINT GONNA CHANGE UNLESS THE COUNTRY YOU DISS CHANGES!

Of all the people I've read their posts over the months, you have the greatest ability to write utter nonsense from your backside.

Feminists are money grabbing "****s"? You are either uneducated or have no idea whatsoever what feminism is about.

Since you seem like you live in the prehistoric age by your attitude towards women I won't even bother to recommend any reading or otherwise. However, a rule of thumb you might want to consider.

Never treat a women the way you won't want your mother to be treated.

The country I diss? It's all too obvious why I do that...

Pope · Guru

This is a sign of culture being supreme,if she cant give sex the man is free to get it somewere whether aids or no aids.

The other problem with our ladies activists,most of them have no husbands are mostly seen changing men....it was an observation from a certain village woman.Just recall how Ann Muluzi was dumped by the first citizen and you expect a mere man to know the rights of a woman.

I laughed loud when this other lady said its their obligation to give a man sex...ooops is it a meal.

jones_1 · Veteran Member

Pope wrote:

The other problem with our ladies activists,most of them have no husbands are mostly seen changing men....it was an observation from a certain village woman.

hahaha!!!!!ive also observed this!!

from my understanding,i believe marriage is something that is mutual and it will take decisions of both of them to work things out in their marriage!

on the other hand i just think there are certain things that will never change. call me old fashioned but man is the head of the house period!!! even the bible says so..but then this doesnt give him the right to abuse his wife in terms of her rights

Pope · Guru

I share with you jones, in the BIble we are instructed to mutual agreement and culturally(mind you my culture is so rich and full of democracy) we are also instructed to live within our culture. I love seeing ma woman taking charge of things the way I would,we share sex not for the sake of it,I make sure she is ready for it and visa versa.

But for your information some gender violence are a result of drunkrdness, rudeness by the woman and misunderstanding of each other.You can not tell your husband kuti I wish I didnt marry you.

abre les ojos · Guru

You two. What has the bible got to do with it. The bible is the most misogynist book written for a culture that is outdated and ill-equipped to live in this modern world.

You can't actually use the word bible and tradition in the same sentence as the bible is not "African Culture". But as imported as anything else.

And Jones, I hate to say this but having no husband is not the end of the world and a lot of Malawian women are better off without one. For the simple reason that majority of Malawian men cheat and infect their wives - you should know that.

Pope, tradition is the illusion of permanence. There's no such things as tradition. And neither is it an excuse for what is just bad practice...

jones_1 · Veteran Member

abres!!

wot the hell????who said anything about not having a husband is the end of the world??????

i can clearly see that you didnt get my point and on the biblical front and wotever i said on my views..as much as you are an atheist, yet you claim to know the bible very well,you should know wot i meant when i referred to the bible.

anyways,we not goin to argue stuff from the bible here cos the issue at hand here is bout gender issues and democracy!!

abre les ojos · Guru

If this is about gender issues and democracy then it's best leave the bible out of it. Your statement "even the bible says so" is flawed. The bible says a lot of things that are illegal or even immoral to do today.

But back to it. You said marriage is a mutual activity and it should take BOTH partners to work things out. If that is the case then both parties ARE the heads not just the man. What about single parent families? I grew up with my mother only. Does that mean there was NO headof my family. I think your point is flawed when you say "some things would never change". Everything is changing all the time.

Date: Feb 28, 2006

abre les ojos wrote:

What about single parent families?

How do they come in? Single parent famillies should, by definition, experience no confusion as to the head of the familly. Jones_1 talked of MARRIAGE as a mutual activity. I'm pretty sure marriage is of minimal relevance to SINGLE parent families.

abre les ojos · Guru

She said the man was the head of the family full stop. So be definition. Any family without a man didn't have a head. So women are incapable of heading a family? Even when a man is involved.

We really should get over the notion of a male-centric society. Believing that a man can actually DEMAND sex from his wife irrespective of her mood or feelings is just absurd. I mean, one ought to be worried about a man who can have sex with his wife when she is unresponsive or resisting.

Date: Feb 28, 2006

abre les ojos wrote:

So by definition. Any family without a man didn't have a head.

YOU said that, she didn't.
I don't agree with Jones_1 though. No two famillies are the same. Famillies must follow an arrangement that serves them best. Whether a man, woman or both head it should be incidental to whatever that arrangement is.

abre les ojos · Guru

I meant to say wouldn't not didn't. And was refering to her own words of "man being the head of the family, fullstop" and... Never mind!

firstbendman · Senior Member

abre les ojos wrote:

I meant to say wouldn't not didn't. And was refering to her own words of "man being the head of the family, fullstop" and... Never mind!

Twister Obasanjo at it again. Be clear and straight forward, so that pple shouldnt put words in your putrid mouth.

Date: Feb 28, 2006

abre les ojos wrote:

I meant to say wouldn't not didn't. And was refering to her own words of "man being the head of the family, fullstop" and...

I know, I just think your deduction is too far removed from what was actually said (although I completly disagree with what was actually said).

abre les ojos · Guru

And don't see how but if you think so.

I always love to see people use tradition to argue about bad practice or prejudice or even abuse. And from that article I was surprised with the view that was expressed by a woman. The argument that part of a woman's "responsibility" is to say yes to sex all the time is quite shocking to me. It almost as if women have being reduced to cattle who just obey orders and not express feelings.

Another point someone made about feminists is also an ignorant one. It's probably just me but I prefer my women to be a lot more assertive than some passive sex object.

is this really traditional practice in Malawi or are they just using it as an excuse to get away with misbehaviour?

ice · Newbie

Malawian men have had their way for too long. its time for malawian women to stand up to us, most of us were raised that way, lets admit it..................

Mulopwana · Veteran Member

ice wrote:

Malawian men have had their way for too long. its time for malawian women to stand up to us, most of us were raised that way, lets admit it..................

The best is to find entertainment activities for the men. In a typical village setup, sex is the only entertainment. The other problem is lack of love between the married people in the village. Women are very sensitive. Where they dont have feelings, it is difficult to force them. These gender specialists should not waiste their time talking about sex. If anything to me, they should teach the villagers how to love. Why are people leaving in town not fighting over sex?

abre les ojos · Guru

I don't think love is an activity that can be "taught". You are right about the lack of activities available to men. It includes women too. What can be addressed I think, is the notion that your wife is a person. Someone who, even 'though you are the "head" of the family, has the right to say she isn't in the mood because you reek like kachaso and she doesn't want to be there just to relieve your libido.

Pope · Guru

Mulopwana, it is also happenig in town,and to be pecise it happened in Kawaale just last month.

Pope · Guru

guevara wrote:
Annie Msiska said a woman is not obliged to refuse sex when a husband wants it because that is part of her responsibility.“Our culture and natural justice clearly shows that a woman should be available whenever a man wants to sleep with her because it is part of her marriage responsibility,” she said.

so abre,who is xegerating here,and for your info Mhuju is over 400kms from Lilongwe.It looks as it is their tradition and culture.

abre les ojos · Guru

Pope wrote:

guevara wrote: Annie Msiska said a woman is not obliged to refuse sex when a husband wants it because that is part of her responsibility.“Our culture and natural justice clearly shows that a woman should be available whenever a man wants to sleep with her because it is part of her marriage responsibility,” she said. so abre,who is xegerating here,and for your info Mhuju is over 400kms from Lilongwe.It looks as it is their tradition and culture.

... Then this tradition should be abolished. Like all "traditions" that don't exactly fit with progress in terms of human rights and economics.

Dzimveremuntolo · Newbie

The other problem within my opinion is pure lack of respect for women. In a typical village set-up, a woman is there to fulfill the wishes of their husbands. This seems to have been working very well when men were the sole providers of their families. As this seems to be changing as women get more empowered, the role of men seems to be compromised and that's when we start hearing of stories of women crying foul when faced with sexual demands from their husbands. Women are working as hard as men used to do in an effort to uplift the standards of living.

My advice to feminists is to preach non-biased messages which is not just based on rights but also based on the realities of pursuits for improved standards of living. Giving messages which is biased only leads to misinformation and the results are unbelievable stories we hear in the local press. We still need the stable homes where it is believed they offer a chance for kids to grow into more responsible citizens.

For those of us who are married/living with a partner, there are times when the libido is so powerful but we consider our wives/partners when they say that they are tired or simply not in the mood. Sex is fun when both parties participate. It takes a lot of love and respect for your wife/partner!!

nduzi · Newbie

Women dont refuse to have sex with their husbands for the sake of refusing. They have better reasons that must be given a thought. The problem is that young men and women who doesnt have any marrital experience comment on issues that are not of their concern. If for instance my wife says no to having sex with me it doesnt warrant me to chase other women skirts. Aids is real. Smart men would stick to their wives with or without sex. Chisakhale chiwewe kapena mpikisano.