You just had your first taste of the real world. Everybody cheats sometimes. Dishonesty applies to everyone. We all lie pretend to love, pretend to hate even pretend to be happy. If everyone in the world said exactly what they meant and meant exactly what they said, they'll be no friends left. No marriage and most importantly, no government.

YTP do you really want an ans to that ??

hold the thought '' ill ans you mawa

*Kiss*

I am made to believe that abwino anatha. Everyone is cheating on everyone. You walk around and the stories you hear. "Amuna a uje akuyenda ndi wakuti wakuti. Akazi a uje awapeza ndi aujeni aja."

Women are usually the victims but they still stick by their men because it has somehow become the norm. Some have nowhere to go, some fear that when they leave, they may never get married again. There's a lot of contorversy surrounding this issue but let's ask ourselves all the time - IS IT REALLY WORTH THE CHEAT??? We all need to be cautious in this  day of HIV and AIDS, we don't know who's carrying it and who isn't.

I'm sure they (or we) all have our reasons for cheating on (their) or our parteners. There's lot's of things that are drifting couples away from each other nowadays. I once cheated on my partener becoz he was cheating on me and it cost our relationship. I stuck by him when i heard and got proof that he was cheating on me coz i said to myself over and over again "better the devil you know than the angel you don't." i found out later on that life needn't be that way and i let go. i didn't gain anything by cheating on him either. It wasn't worth the cheat.

To answer your question, abwino alipo koma ndi ochepa kwambiri

With the risk of regurgitating the same old cliches I have to say this. There really is no point moaning about human conduct in this world. Especially over issues of fidelity or monogamy because you are up against the very nature of man. We as a species are not monogamous (unless you're a catholic). Monogamy, like every other law is a construct of society. Like the ownership of property, monogamy falls under that - the inherent need to belong to someone or own something.

Every once in a while that true nature comes to the surface. Yes it is more aggressive in males (due to testosterone I believe) but thats how it is. If you look at the bigger picture the little issues raised above would be better understood and you won't have to moan so much about "my man cheated on me".

We cheat because we can and we will if we can get away with it. And true to observation Malawi men are one of the most promiscuous in Africa without a doubt; because their women allow them that much.

I admire you rallying post-feminist cry of getting our act together, but I think human nature wins out all the time.

Have you ever thought that maybe (with the nature of sex hormones and evolutional requirements) that monogamy and or abstinence is actually a weaknes rather than a strength. I mean for instance, for a guy to sleep around it takes skills, it requires effort, time even hard work. That's the reason he's considered a "stud". For him to abstain all he has to do is sit there and do nothing - then he won't get laid.

It is the exact opposite when it comes to women. To get laid all she has to do is be easy; sooner or later a guy would come along wanting to "get some".

Well women are trying to level the playing field. Which is good since it makes the job a hell lot easier.

What I meant was that men can justify anything especially their sexual drives.

Well, I am in a steady relationship and never physically cheated on my partner. Not that I won't to, I just don't because I don't feel the need to. Or maybe I'm just tired of all the effort that goes with lying and deceit. I won't mind if we had an open relationship - you know "swinging" - But I know she's not the sharing type.

One woman is hard work enough for me.

for one not to cheat it needs complete comfortability usually requiring complete honesty in every way shape and form, or at least the illusion that complete honesty exists. if complete honesty doest exist, then 'true love' turns out to be happiness. happiness like most of us have never felt before, because we live in societies that are not only based on lies, mistrust, and greed, but offer all kinds of rewards for lying, manipulating, cheating, and being greedy.. people feel guilt for lying not because they're taught to, but because its unnatural to lie. 1+1=3 just isn't right and everyone knows it.. the only way to make it right, is to completey abandon everything we know about mathematics and make up something completely new, that has little possiblity of making sense.. similarly, the only way to make our lifestyles seem right is to make up things like 'true love' to make ourselves feel better about how we're acting.

I for one have met my man of my dreams adn i love him and he loves me too  and will be tying a knot soon  , in anycase honey  , you make a relationship what you want it to be  in otherswords you build a relationship  , its like an investment  if you know what i mean

if you base a relationship on lies then its bound to break and thats when things go wrong  but if you base it on truth  you are bound to find hapiness  , did i make sense honey ?

 right now all i can say is eya Abwino alipo and they are so many outhere if you look however,there are a lot of illussons posing as love,and yes,our existential misery is depressing . People will give you so many reasons for cheating I also believe that describing and attempting to understand natural feelings in very unnatural ways is horrible for our ability to understand life , and seems to me like we're trying to make things seem more 'important' than they really are. the fact that life is meaningless and everyone is doomed to die does not have to be depressing at all. its all about perspective, as is everything

*Kiss*

 

As usual I take the alternative view.

There is no tried tested "right" or "wrong" where relationships are concerned. The only true love is unrequited love because it is not tainted by obligations of reciprocation. Hence sometimes you find people who have what I call the "Job complex". People who'll love no matter how bad the other person treats them. Love is by its very nature irrational. It has to be or we'll never be able to experience it fully. To love requires a lapse of full criticism of the object of ones affection. That we sometimes mistake for compromise or acceptance.

It is almost impossible to feel the same as your partner in a relationship. The odds of that are in the millions. But we try; by a leap of faith or lapse of mind, take it and go with it.

Someone once said that love was the dirty trick played on us by nature to ensure the continuation of the species. That would explain a lot if it were true.

HOW OLD ARE YOU? BECAUSE IT IS OBVIOUS THAT YOU HAVE QUITE A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT PEOPLE.... MEN IN PARTICULAR...

YOUR DEFINITION OF LOVE IS HIGHLY ROMANTICISED, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? IT DOESN'T EXIST LIKE THAT. IT ISN'T A PERMANENT FEELING. IT FADES, CHANGES SHAPE, CAN RESULT IN HATE...

ALL THAT BOLLOCK OF EVERLASTING LOVE IS FOR ROMANTIC FICTION OR DANIELLE STEELE NOVELS OR CHEAP HOLLYWOOD FILMS STARRING JENIFFER LOPEZ. THE TRUTH IS TOO COMPLEX...

Miss Thang  , dont scare YTP Firstly, love is as riddled with 'impure' underlying notions as anything else. When considering love people frequently make the distinction between love and lust but I don't find this a useful distinction to make because the former inevitably involves a degree of the latter. Our feelings of someone change a lot when we know about the feelings that they have for us.love is  heavily influenced by selfishness. This is inevitable and should not be denied in an attempt to remain 'pure'. To an extent we love someone because they love us.

so she might be lucky and not come across them greedy people out there Anyway, the only thing I wish to add, people are always asking  "Why do we love?". Many don't even wonder about this question and fail to understand it's importance, but I think it pertinent. I believe love is like a homing device, each one of us has different tastes in the opposite sex, we treat people differently, we ourselves our all distinctly different in personality and physical appearance. In order to find the right person for us we feel love for a certain group of the opposite sex  somehow - by nature - the girl/guy you see and feel love for has something to do with you being the best you can be. There are also degrees of love, knowing these degrees is very important in figuring out if you are with the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. For instance, if you are in love for the first time and your love for the first was on one degree, then you are with another person and your degree is lower than the first, you go with a third and your love is higher than both the first and the second. And so on and so on, many people don't pay attention to their emotions in any great detail (or atleast they don't pay attention to the distinct differences between their emotions).

i hope am making sense

 

*Kiss*