Career vs Family

hazeleyes · Newbie

Career vs Family

jones_1 · Veteran Member

kinda tricky situation aint it??

im sure i wouldnt want to spend my whole life as a housewfie after kuvutika ndi kuthunya the whole time at college,especially after havin great career prospects!!

maybe i you can try to tell him to put himself in your shoes and he shld say if hed become a housewife after all that hard work!!

im sure there r so many families that have moms with great jobs and they still manage ok.i must say,maybe it would be wise to be spendin every free time you goin to get with your kids(when you have them)

hmmm!help people! i think its a good point hazeleyes has raised!

Black Panther · Senior Member

the good thing abuot culutre is that it evolves. People should not be stuck to traditions that are not improving your life. 6 mos or a year is plenty, if thats what u choose. finding a baby sitter can be hard... It took you years to build ur career, and it seems to be important to u . I'd say think about your career. Having children is expensive, and u will need to send ur child to college , etc.. and want the best for them, if u want them to go to pvt school etc... personally im not in to the house wife thing. To me, it is not fufilling., but to some women this is fufilling to them I say that u should not think about what is normal for Malawi but think abuot yourself, your family, and your career & how u want to live. Since ur not in Malawi you do have choices, if the guy and urself cant compromise, there are other men out there that would not have a problem with this. There are also many things u can do , like work p/t until ur ready to go full time. Become a consultnatn. find a job where u can work from home.. there are a lot of options, that u can use to compromise...but dont get in to a situation where in a few years u will be blaming that man for taking ur career down, or ur baby...people end up walking out on there marriage and family b/c there is resentment.... be true to urself.

hazeleyes · Newbie

Jones1 & Black Panther - thank u both for your advise. I do agree with you Black P that cultures evolve, and people need to move on and not stick too rigidly with tradition. I think that is one of the things failing us as Africans. I'm not saying to completely disregard tradition, but I am saying to take it with a pinch of salt. I will consider your words of advise carefully, and to be honest some of them did hit home cos there was a time when I was feeling some resentment towards him for wanting me to be a stay at home mum. I guess its about give and take.

It would be interesting to get a male's perspective on this as well.

Thanks again for the advice

sepusepu · Senior Member

Ladies a big topic we have at hand,

This belief that men are the vending machines is what most of the times keeps the man as the head of the marriage. I have noticed that some women tend to wear pants in a marriage if they tend to bring in more than the husband and this might shake the marriage. They are Few women that can bring in more income and respect their husband.

What i would suggest is that marriage should not be based on which partner brings more income.

I think that every parent's dream is to make sure that they raise children that will thrive in society, whatever that is. I think parental presence for kids is the best thing, unfortunately in today's world you have to work fo them to eat.

The bottom line will be to bare in mind family whenever you are facing career opportunities. If you have a dream of having kids your decisions wont be based on you but rather the whole family.

On the other hand you might decide to be a massive career woman and later in life you might regreat it.

If you and your partner wants to put in effort so that you can give a shot at being a career woman, wife and a mother it is possible but be prepared for a lot of obstacles.It will be tough but not impossible.

My mom told me that where there is will there is is a way.

sepu sepu

NYASALAND · Senior Member

hazeleyes wrote:

Jones1 & Black Panther - thank u both for your advise. I do agree with you Black P that cultures evolve, and people need to move on and not stick too rigidly with tradition. I think that is one of the things failing us as Africans. I'm not saying to completely disregard tradition, but I am saying to take it with a pinch of salt. I will consider your words of advise carefully, and to be honest some of them did hit home cos there was a time when I was feeling some resentment towards him for wanting me to be a stay at home mum. I guess its about give and take. It would be interesting to get a male's perspective on this as well. Thanks again for the advice

THIS GIRL IS NOT VERY SERIOUS .INUYO NGATI MUNTHU WOPHUNZIRA , WOZINDIKIRA , WACHANGAMUCHANGAMU : DO YU THINK PANO NDI PABWALO POFUNSA MAFUNSO NGATI AMENEWO? NDAKAIKA NGATI INUDI MULI NDI MASTARS NDI MA DEGREE ENA OTERE.CHENICHENI UKUFUNA CHANI? KODI IWE UNGAFUNSE ZERU KWA ANTHU NGATI NGULI ZILI PA MALAWIANA, KESSO ,NGWAZI , MADSEXSISTA, GAME , SEPUSEPU? WHAT ARE THAT GOING TO TELL YOU ZA MOYO WENIWENI .BE SERIOUS WATI ??/ZIKOMO

chichi · Senior Member

As u said u have worked hard to be where ur at, but the question is what is more important to u? Ur child or ur career? If ur going to bring a child in this world that child needs u more than anything in this world and the first years of a child are most important years in ur childs life. U can always go back to your career but u cannot change the years that are lost with ur child. Putting a child in daycares before a child can speak is a very bad idea. Are u telling me that u can trust whoever is keeping ur child that much?

There was a story in the paper here where a babysitter was giving children benedryl to help them sleep. There was another story where a babysitter killed a 7 month old child by shaking him cuz he wouldn't stop crying. Some pple who thought something fishy was happening with their babysitters put hidden cameras in their homes only to find out that the babysitter was very cruel to the kids and beating the kids like they were nothing.

whatever kids learn in the first couple years is going to determain wat kind of life they will live in the future. A child needs one of their parents home with them at all times. Those couple of years are when the child needs descipline because if u fail to descipline them now u will never again as long as they live.

Having a child is a very big decision and u better choose wisely. Dont just take it lightly. U have to decide what is more important to u before u have a child and if u do have a child make sure ur there for ur child. U and ur husband can make a schedule where both of u have time to spend with ur child its not only to the mother to sacrifice. I would think that our men now are more educated. They should know that its both of u who are responsible for that child.

These days women have careers too so dont expect women to sacrifice everything u also have to meet us half way. In whatever decision u make though just know that a child is not someone u play with. A child is very important more important than ur career no matter how long u have been working at it. so lets choose wisely lets raise doctors and presidents not loosers

Lady B · Senior Member

NYASALAND , IF YOU DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY , TSEKA PAKAMWA !!!!!!!!!

WHY DOES IT BOTHER YOU THAT PEOPLE ON THIS FORUM ARE EDUCATED IWEYO IF I WERE YOU I COULD HAVE LEARNT SOMETHING FROM THIS FORUM

THE PEOPLE ON THIS FORUM ARE VERY SMART AND INTELLIGENT AND THEY SHARE THEIR THOUGHTS WITH US , HENSE THE TERM DISCUSSION

YOU HOWEVER NEED TO SHUT UP

for my guys here Kesso , Game , BlackPather , jones 1 and if i have left you out sorry guys but

As you might remember, Wittgenstein ended his "Tractus" with the words:
''whereof one cannot speak there of one must be silent

INGNORE THIS DUDE

*Kiss*

sepusepu · Senior Member

Lady B & members of the forum,

This dude is trying to divert people from the main topic. Make sure this guy doesnt reach his gaol.

sepu sepu

Mulopwana · Veteran Member

This is a very good topic. I have liked the way members have contributed. If I were you lady, the first thing to do is to convince your man the importance of your career. Its not fair after spending all those years in school just to end up as a housewife. For me its the first time to hear somebody with a Masters degree and career at hand being persuaded to become a housewife. I perceive that your man has not gone far with his education otherwise a smart guy with papers cannot think in the way he is thinking. If anything wait for another man who will respect your career. I dont think if I was a woman with a Masters could have accepted that. We spend sleepless nights to get these papers. You cant just wake up one day and throw them away. NO WAY!!

hazeleyes · Newbie

sepusepu wrote:

Ladies a big topic we have at hand, This belief that men are the vending machines is what most of the times keeps the man as the head of the marriage. I have noticed that some women tend to wear pants in a marriage if they tend to bring in more than the husband and this might shake the marriage. They are Few women that can bring in more income and respect their husband. What i would suggest is that marriage should not be based on which partner brings more income.

Sepusepu,

I completely understand what you are saying, but I think you may have misunderstood me on one aspect. It not a case of who brings in more money. What I want to know is whether it is possible to raise a family and maintain a career without jeopardising the relationship you have with your kids (regardless of how much money you make). I would like to have both, but what I disagree with is the fact that I should ditch everything I've worked hard for just to be a housewife. More often than not, the women are the ones who get the short straw in such a situation, and they end up staying at home to raise the kids. Why can't the roles be reversed?

hazeleyes · Newbie

NYASALAND wrote:

THIS GIRL IS NOT VERY SERIOUS .INUYO NGATI MUNTHU WOPHUNZIRA , WOZINDIKIRA , WACHANGAMUCHANGAMU : DO YU THINK PANO NDI PABWALO POFUNSA MAFUNSO NGATI AMENEWO? NDAKAIKA NGATI INUDI MULI NDI MASTARS NDI MA DEGREE ENA OTERE.CHENICHENI UKUFUNA CHANI? KODI IWE UNGAFUNSE ZERU KWA ANTHU NGATI NGULI ZILI PA MALAWIANA, KESSO ,NGWAZI , MADSEXSISTA, GAME , SEPUSEPU? WHAT ARE THAT GOING TO TELL YOU ZA MOYO WENIWENI .BE SERIOUS WATI ??/ZIKOMO

Nyasaland.......u have MAJOR issues and u need help. I really don't think I have the energy to respond to your comments! Take a chill pill and remove that stick from your arse cos I think its making u way too uptight!!

hazeleyes · Newbie

Mulopwana wrote:

This is a very good topic. I have liked the way members have contributed. If I were you lady, the first thing to do is to convince your man the importance of your career. Its not fair after spending all those years in school just to end up as a housewife. For me its the first time to hear somebody with a Masters degree and career at hand being persuaded to become a housewife. I perceive that your man has not gone far with his education otherwise a smart guy with papers cannot think in the way he is thinking. If anything wait for another man who will respect your career. I dont think if I was a woman with a Masters could have accepted that. We spend sleepless nights to get these papers. You cant just wake up one day and throw them away. NO WAY!!

You hit the nail right on the head! The guy has not gone as far as I have education-wise and I am sensing an inferiority complex creeping in, which is quite scary. I really am not prepared to carry on with the relationship if he continues down this path. Anyway, I guess I'll have to see where the winds take me.

Black Panther · Senior Member

one thing i need to touch on by judging eveyones reponses is that it is a personal choice. Although i am more of a career oreintated person i dont think we should be dissing housewives- our mothers and sister who make sacrifices to raise us. There are many women who go to shcool get masters and then become houswives. sometimes this is a choice, sometimes its circumstacne. But if someone chooses to be a housewife- that is there right and it is still repectable to be a housewife - we shouldnt be looking down at houswives- but for Hazel eyes- whom obviously wont bt personally fufilled as a housewife & who wants to be a mother - this would not be suitable for her - so i would say, where there is a will there is a way. Lets not forget, that as Malawians half or more then half of us went to boarding schools- with ur career still entat u may be able to send ur child to a better vt school , boarding school ( we all went through it and turned out fine) - I dont think we shoould be raising kids with issues about 'parents not caring for us' - not being hugged enough- these are middle class issues - which most of us fall in to in our repective countries - it is going to be hard for the kids to interact with that Malawian side of them when they r trying to tell their aunties or grandparents that they are having 'emotional issues' b/c daddy didnt teach me to ride a bike- or mommy missed my piano recital- or the started slitting there writst to get attention - u know know what i mean ?